This post is a Halloween tribute to the personalities I have met in the legal profession that scare me a little…
Mrs. Always Annoyed Legal Secretary
She never appears to be that busy, but when you ask her to do anything she is clearly annoyed. When you walk her by her desk, she is usually talking on the phone (personal call) and drinking Diet Coke. If you are anyone but a partner in the firm, she seems annoyed by your mere presence at her desk.
Mr. “I Am Smarter Than Everyone on the Planet” Attorney
This guy needs little introduction, we have all met him. He may have a high IQ, but nobody wants to be his best friend. Thankfully, there a lot fewer of these types in the profession than the public believes.
Ms. Perfectly Polished Professional
She is the legal professional version of a stepford wife. She could be a secretary, paralegal, or attorney. She is always perfectly put together, the hair, clothes, nails, and shoes. She is all business, all the time. Is there a real person in there?
Miss Chicken Little Paralegal
What a whiner! This chick thinks each assignment is the end of the world. She is so paranoid and stressed out, it makes you nervous just to be around her. She can’t seem to figure anything out on her own, except her belief that she is overworked and underappreciated.
The Honorable “I Am So Uninterested In Your Case”
You have carefully prepared your argument and deliver it with conviction and clarity, but as you look at the judge you wonder if she was even listening. After 30 seconds of silence she sighs and says, “Is that all?” This judge does not even pretend to be interested.
Mr. Used Car Salesman Attorney
He may not be screaming, but he is just as in-your-face with daytime TV commercials (what is with the hat?), interstate billboards and back of the phone book ads. The scariest thing is the amount of business these guys bring in. Don’t be jealous, you don’t want to be that guy.
Over to you…who would you add to the list?
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Update: Here a few additions from readers:
Vicki Voisin submitted Ms. Cranky Client and everyone’s favorite, Mr. Found-Legal-Advice-on-the-Internet.
Smith & Goff, LLC added Doorway Lingerer who comes to your office for small talk, but won’t leave, not getting the hint that you’re busy.
Ellen Lockwood knows Info-hoarder Paralegal who thinks controlling info makes her irreplaceable but she’s wrong!
Thank you for these great additions and Happy Halloween!
Misty L. Sheffield is a freelance paralegal helping solos and small law firms in civil litigation. She has been assisting attorneys for over 12 years. 
